Maybe love does conquer all

It’s an old story, one which you have heard many times. Boy meets girl, girl falls in love with guy…I’m sure you know the rest of it. A perpetuated myth that makes you think once you reach your late-twenties things should start falling into place; money, job, love and eventually a ‘happily ever after’. An idealistic view of life which has been passed down through the ages, a formula which equates to a happy life.

Just scroll through your social media feed, you will see at least one photo of a wedding or a kid looking adorably cute at their birthday party. It all so lovely and clouded with so much happiness and joy, the moment capturing an endless amount of unity and love. What we fail to see in those photos are the time a couple had a rough patch, or that mom stayed up all night baking that cake or that daddy had to leave early because he had to work on Saturday.

Our generation has an attitude to love that is very similar to our behavior with our smart devices. If it’s broken replace it, if its cracked change the screen, if there’s a latest model in stores check it out and of course upgrade every few months. Having a girl/boy on your arm means a jump on the social media ladder.

You can’t deny it, when your friend gets a boyfriend/girlfriend your all over their feed checking their photos, comments and liking pictures. The stream of typical responses when a couple announces their ‘dating’, ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ with comments like ‘adorable’, ‘ottd couple’ and ‘I’m so happy for you’ while inside you’re boiling because you’re going to have to up your game soon. A competition between peers where the rewards are superficial and the gratification last for a mere moment. We wonder what happened to the ‘old fashion’ awkward introductions with sweaty hands, phone calls and inviting guest for dinner to surprise them with an announcement. We lost it somewhere between scrolling through ‘Tasty’ videos and pining it on ‘Pinterest’…

I am not claiming to be the guru on the subject of ‘love’ but after dating a few men and going through a tumultuous relationship I kept wondering where I went wrong. It was not until I was having a late night chat with my best friend that I stopped to listen to some wise words ‘we all want an instant solution, when  sometimes there is none’. As those words rung through my ears I realized that maybe I was a victim of my generation, set to ruin my own life.

Instant Coffee doesn’t mean Instant Love.

If you want something instant, go down to the closest Starbucks and get your hook-up for the day. Love isn’t going to come easy. You got to work hard for it, it’s not a smart phone. Don’t toss it out because it doesn’t work or because the screen is cracked. Go beyond the surface, because looks fade and hair grows grey but those small details like his loyalty to his friends and his steadfast ambition might just be your ticket to a long lasting relationship.

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Update your Facebook feed, but not your relationship.

I’m not against the posting of photos of a happy couple, or the occasional birthday wishes that come up on your timeline but remember nobody needs to see inside your bedroom walls. Don’t post a 100-word essay  with a tag to the man you love telling him on Facebook how much you adore him, or take 20 pictures of your girlfriend kissing you on Instagram. If your taking those photos, spending time on Insta and Facebook when his around, you don’t really care for him, you just care about your social media status. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, if you love someone then it’s between you and him, take the time and trouble to share those moments together and not for 100 likes.

It’s never enough.

If you think ‘Love’ is enough to hold a relationship together, then think again. In a simple nutshell, relationships stuck in our grandparent’s time because when things broke they mended it. If you have John Lenons’ attitude towards love your likely to ignore some fundamental values that keep most relationships afloat, like respect, trust, kindness and commitment. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of the hard stuff?

Friend Zoned or Best Friend?

If you can’t have a decent conversation, if the sex is great but you just can’t manage a cuddle, if you love his smile but don’t know his order for coffee. Maybe his is not the one. You can fall in love with a variety of people some that are bad for you and some that are good. You can fall in love in healthy and unhealthy ways. Love is not scarce, but friendships are. As you grow older you will have to depend more on your friendship than your relationship, making hard decisions and being a unit together is not easy when you have conflicting personalities. Don’t underestimate the power of a being a friend first.

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

Healthy relationships require more than just passion, excitement and a few hundred butterflies in your stomach. Don’t give up on someone when the going gets tough, don’t settle for comfortable and secure.

If you love someone tdownloadhen give it your all, stand by them when the future looks intimidating and helpless. Life isn’t meant to be easy, do it because his worth the hard times. Don’t ever look back and wonder ‘if only’.

No matter where you are in your relationship, dating, tinder or single if you eventually want a ‘happily ever after’ then maybe some home truths are good for the soul.

Love is an amazing experience. It’s one of the most precious experiences life has to offer. Don’t treat your significant other like a banged up smart phone he/she deserves so much more than that.

1 Comment

  1. Student View

    27/07/2016 at 10:28 am

    An eye opening article! Great advice!

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