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Everybody lies on their resume.
On my last job application, I declared that playing Tinkerbelle the fairy at children’s birthday parties would be the most rewarding way to use my Law degree.
This was an absolute lie but in my defence, today’s competitive market university forces students like myself to transform ordinary resumes into extraordinary pieces of literature. This applies to all sectors of the employment market from your mundane retail job to entry-level internships.
Sooner or later the McDonald’s corporation will only be hiring graduates with a Masters in Food Handling for a casual position.
Although subsequent weeks of relentless job hunting in Melbourne has taught me that deceit is not only restricted to job seekers – as employers are equally guilty of deception.
After applying for multiple waitressing jobs via the Gumtree site, I’ve undergone several phone conversations with managers who were calling in regards to “a casual position” at a “highly sophisticated premise located in Melbourne CBD”.
In such interviews I would always put on my most professional phone manner and answer nonchalantly about my previous hospitality or retail experience.
Secretly I was ecstatic, holding on to the hope that the interview would be the end of harsh rejections and canned beans for dinner. Unfortunately, after ten or fifteen minutes of shameless self-promotion, I have encountered a range of unsatisfying replies such as:
1. “Yes, come in for a trial this Saturday. Our casual rates are 80 dollars an hour and a uniform is provided which consists of black lace underwear. Our establishment caters in topless waitressing.”
2. “Excellent, it seems you’re a perfect fit for our ‘feminist art project that seeks to challenge social views on beauty’. The next step is a submission of 40 nude photos that we shall then post on our alternative erotica webpage.”
3. “Great, I shall email you the details of the job. You’ll start from mid-February after you’ve completed our online training.” This reply should have been my happily ever after. But after three gruelling hours online learning about occupational safety hazards, I received another email informing me that the company had over hired and consequently withdrawn my position.
The array of experiences I’ve encountered in merely two weeks of job hunting has been, least to say, eventful. In a perfect world, Schapelle Corby wouldn’t exist, AFL players labelled attractive intellectuals and everyone from employers to dating profiles would be honest on the web.
However deception in the virtual world doesn’t appear to be ending soon. This has not only frustrated my job hunt but has also forced me to ask any potential employers found on Gumtree “is nudity involved?”
Strangely enough I often thought people would pay me to keep my clothes on, not take them off.
By Van Adora Nguyen